


Not Ready Yet For You

by DeadMilitia



Category: PewDiePie - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FTM Jack, M/M, Secrets, Septiplier - Freeform, Transgender, fears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-14 21:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11217018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadMilitia/pseuds/DeadMilitia
Summary: Jack has been crazy over Mark since he first clicked on his videos. Mark would never want him though. There's a certain secret he's never told anyone. Felix discovered it by accident and encourages Jack to be honest with Mark. But how will Mark react to finding out that Jack was actually born as Kimberly?Trans!Jack!





	1. Pining For A Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I really hope to do well with this story. I currently only have internet for an hour twice a week, so please be patient with me and let me know what you think!

Jack finished up with sending his newest video to Robin to be edited. Robin sent him a text once he received it. It was Jack's last video of the day and he began shutting down everything. He stood up and stretched out, it had been a long day of recording. He checked his phone to see if Felix had texted him yet. The other man was supposed to be coming over as soon as he was done working for the day. Moving Brighton had been a great decision because he could now hang out with Felix more often. It was definitely different since he hadn't really had friends in Ireland to just go hang out with. Felix hadn't texted him yet so he figured he would have plenty of time to take a shower.

I always made sure that my packer was on while recording. Even though I sat down most of the time and I figure nobody would notice if I had to stand up in the middle of recording, it still seemed important to me. In my mind, it was bond to happen eventually where someone would notice the lack of a bulge in my jeans. I know it's not likely but my packer gives me a sense of security.

I had tried so hard to keep my fans from finding out my secret. I know most would be accepting and supporting, but there was still the few who would start referring to me as a girl or who would make a huge deal over it. I wanted it to be something that was normal. I didn't want people to constantly make posts over it or make artwork of what I probably looked like before. I just wanted people to accept that I'm a guy and move on, treat me the same as they do now while they don't know. I just worry that's not possible.

After showering, I began to get ready. Felix had decided that we're going to go out and do something. He wasn't sure what yet but didn't feel like sitting around the house. I kind of agreed with him. As I was getting ready, I heard a knock on the front door. I only had a towel wrapped around my waist and felt kind of panicky. If it was just Felix I was okay with opening the door but what if it's someone else? I looked at myself in the mirror, the wounds from my top surgery weren't fully healed yet. I had just had the stitches removed a couple of weeks ago.

I walked to the front door as the person knocked again.

"Who is it?" I asked through the door.

"Your drug dealer," Felix answered back loudly, making me roll my eyes. I opened the door with a smirk, shielding myself behind it as Felix slipped in.

"You know my neighbors probably heard you." I pointed out, making him laugh.

"I'm sure they already think you're on drugs." Felix said, sitting on the couch. "Go finish getting ready and we'll go grab dinner. I'm starving." I chuckled before heading back to the bathroom. Felix was the only person outside of my family who knows I'm trans. He had discovered it by accident but never treated me any different. He hadn't even mentioned it at first. I had been a nervous wreck and finally brought it up to which he told me it didn't matter.

I finished getting ready, being sure to put my packer back on in my underwear specially designed for packing. I hadn't had my bottom surgery done yet. I had been afraid of having top surgery because I don't like pain. I also knew I had to keep going along like everything was normal because I couldn't act like I was in pain or not be as animated because fans would pick up on it in a heart beat. I was so happy to not have to wrap my chest anymore and not be afraid of fans noticing anything while hugging me. I guess they were too caught up in everything else because nobody ever said anything.

Having top surgery hurt and I had to be careful of what I did without appearing different on camera. I imagine having bottom surgery would be even worse. After I got ready, I went to the living room and found Felix playing on his phone.

"Ready?" I asked and he nodded, standing up and putting his phone in his pocket. We caught up with each other on our way to the diner down the road.

"Have you decided whether or not you're going to California to stay with Mark?" I nodded.

"Yeah, I got it all worked out and I'm heading out there. What about you?"

"Yep, I'm flying over too." Felix told me. Mark had decided he wanted to have us back over for a week to hang out since it was hard to really spend time together while conventions were going on.

After sitting down and ordering our drinks, we looked over the menu. It wasn't long before I decided what I wanted and I chuckled as Felix struggled to decide between two dishes before finally deciding. Once our waiter came back we both ordered.

"So, have you thought anymore about telling Mark?" Felix asked, glancing around and keeping his voice down. Luckily there wasn't anyone sitting at the tables near us.

"You know I can't," I quietly replied.

"Why not? We both know he's gay," he pointed out. Mark had come out publicly a few months ago but had told us long before then. I just shook my head.

"I'm just not ready. What if he doesn't feel the same? Also, there's another secret he doesn't know. If things were to work out between us and he got handsy then there's something I'm sure he's bond to notice." I pointed out.

"I thought you had that package thing?" I smirked.

"It's a called a packer and it's not what you probably think. It's not... attached." I explained. Felix was the only person who knew all of my secrets involving my sexuality. At first, I was embarrassed that he found out and tried to avoid him. He then called me after almost a month of me not talking to him and explained that he didn't care what I had between my legs. I was a guy and that's that. It made me feel a lot better knowing he really didn't care and accepted me as I am. Then I stayed at his house right after getting my packer. I was still learning how to use a packer and didn't know they made special underwear to hold it in place. Long story short, I was wearing loose fitting shorts and while playing with his dogs my packer slipped and fell out of my shorts. That was the most embarrassed I had ever been in my life.

"Well, have you thought about him telling him?" I shook my head no.

"I don't want to be seen as a girl, Felix. My family still calls me by my birth name and still refer to me as a girl. I don't want Mark to get weirded out and do the same. Besides, what am I supposed to tell him? 'Hey, Mark, I have a massive crush on you. Oh and by the way I keep my dick in a draw next to my bed at night?' I don't think so." Felix laughed at that.

"I was thinking more along the lines of starting with keeping your dick in drawer and then telling him about the crush. You know, give him a little bit time to get used to one before telling him the other." Felix said, making me chuckle.

"It's just a hard situation. And what if he decides he doesn't want to be with someone like me?" I saw the look Felix was giving me. He hated when I said anything like that. I just shook my head as the waiter brought our food.

"I don't want to talk about it." I told him. It was easy for Felix to tell me to just tell Mark. He didn't understand all of the feelings that came with it. And just because Mark is openly gay and supportive, doesn't mean he's going to be okay with this. Even if he does accept who I am, he probably doesn't feel the same about me. I was happy when Felix dropped the subject and went on to talk about something else.

\-----------------------------------

I was woken up by my phone ringing. I groaned and rolled over to see who it was. I saw Felix's photo on the screen and groaned again. Part of me wanted to ignore him but I knew it might be important.

"Hello?" I grogily answered.

"Hey, about time you answered your phone." Felix said, sounding like he had a mouthful of food.

"It's the middle of the night. What do you want?" I whined, making him chuckle.

"It's nine A.M." He told me. I looked over at my alarm clock to see the black numbers confirming what he had said.

"Well I went to bed at six, so what do you want?" I said, letting my half asleep state make me grumpy.

"I talked to Mark this morning."

"And?" I mumbled.

"And I got him to confess that he likes you." I was suddenly wide awake.

"What?" I sat up in bed and demanded he tell me everything.


	2. You Have To Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! The amount of people who enjoyed the first chapter of this was amazing. Sorry it took so long to get this one done. I've been crazy busy lately but things are calm for right now. And I got hooked on a story over on Wattpad. It's called "Saviour Will Be There" by xxDominikxx. It's a Black Veil Brides story and does deal with eating disorders but if you want a story recommendation, there you go. And thank you to Rian a.k.a sickboysoldier for helping me with this chapter.

Felix, Marzia, and I had decided to book the same flight so we could fly to America together. The flight was long and I was happy when it finally landed in LA. Mark was supposed to be here to pick us up so after we got our bags we searched for Mark. Felix spotted him leaning against a wall on his phone.

When we got closer Felix called to him, getting his attention. He locked his phone and put it in his pocket. He walked up to us with a huge smile on his face and greeted us. Mark went through and hugged all three of us.

"Are you ready to get going?" Mark asked and we all agreed. We got stopped by a few fans which none of us minded. One of the girls hugged me a little too tightly, making my chest hurt. I tried not to show it. I had tried to stay home while healing. It's not that I didn't want to meet people but I definitely wouldn't have been able to handle the tight squeezing from fans right after my surgery.

Once we got to Mark's house, he showed us to our guest rooms and allowed us time to unpack. I didn't really unpack much even though he told me all of the drawers were empty and I was free to put my clothes in there. After finishing what little I did unpack, I went back out of the room to find Mark. I found him out back playing with Chica. When I went outside, Chica ran to me with her toy in her mouth. When I leaned down to try to take the toy, she darted in the other direction, laying the front end of her body down and wagging her tail.

Mark and I both laughed. When we got close to her she took off again, keeping her toy away from us. The entire time I was running around the yard I was mindful of my packer. I was already embarrassed in front of Felix, I didn't need the same thing to happen in front of Mark. Especially since Mark doesn't even know. At least Felix knew by that point. The good thing is that I now know a little more of what I'm doing. Mark and I continued to play with Chica while Felix and Marzia sat on the patio and watched us.

"So what is on the agenda for this week?" Felix asked when Mark and I sat on the patio with them.

"I didn't really plan much. I know Amy and Kathryn are taking Marzia for a girl day." Mark explained, smiling when Amy came out of the house.

"Yes, we are. We need some time away from men and dick jokes." Amy said making us laugh. Amy and Mark had broken up after Mark accepted his sexuality and Amy had been very understanding. They still live together but in separate rooms now and they were still close. He made it clear that he still loved her but couldn't hide that he was gay any longer. It was obvious that she still loved him maybe a little more than he loved her.

As we goofed off, I felt something that made my cheeks turn bright red. While the underwear I wore was designed for packing, it didn't always stop the packer from slipping if you moved around a lot which everyone knows I do. I noticed Mark staring at me as I debated jumping up and running to the bath or playing it cool and going in a few minutes.

"Hey, you okay?" Mark asked, coming to stand next to me. I only nodded, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes.

"I, um, I'll be right back," I carefully made my way inside and to the bathroom. I decided to pee while I was in here since I kinda had to go anyway. When I wipe I noticed a little bit of blood and groaned. Unfortunately I was still getting periods but at least they only lasted three or four days and weren't very heavy. My doctor said that for some people it takes longer for periods to end even though the testosterone is doing it's job. Some people have a higher level of estrogen and it makes it harder for the testosterone to take over. I had been on T for almost a year and I was still getting periods every few months. My doctor told me we might need to adjust the dosage if I don't stop having periods.

I adjusted my packer before leaving to go to my room. I dug through my bags and to my horror realized I hadn't packed any pads or tampons. Amy still lives here and is bound to have some, right? I ended up going through every bathroom cabinet and came up with nothing. I groaned when I realized that she probably keeps them in her room. Everyone was still outside. As long as nobody came to look for me, I should be able to get in, grab one, and get out.

I felt weird for sneaking around as I cracked open her door. I peeked around to make sure she wasn't in her room before slipping inside. I began going through her nightstand and then her dresser.

"What are you doing?" I jumped and felt all of the color drain from my face. I turned to see Amy in the doorway with her arms crossed. I probably looked like the biggest creep ever. Normal, non-pervy guys don't just go through a girl's dresser.

"Um, I-I'm sorry," I said. Hoping that she wouldn't run to get Mark. He would definitely kick me out and never speak to me again if he thought I was trying to steal Amy's underwear or something.

"Jack, what are you doing?" Amy repeated, a look of pure disgust on her face. I couldn't bring myself to tell her. Would she keep it a secret? "I'm getting Mark." She turned to leave and I ran over to grab her arm.

"Let me go," she demanded, yanking her arm away from me.

"Please, let me explain," I begged.

"Well?" She asked, crossing her arms again. I moved over to shut the door, standing in front of it so she couldn't leave.

"What I'm about to tell you, you can never tell another person. You have to promise me you won't tell anyone. Please?" Her face softened a little when she caught on to my nerves.

"You know I won't," she promised. I thought over how to tell her. Do I start from the beginning? Or do I just say it?

"I was, um..." I felt tears in my eyes. "I started my period and I was trying to find a pad."

"That's not funny, Jack. I'm getting Mark," she tried to move past me but I stopped her again.

"Please, Amy, I'm telling the truth."

"Jack, if you haven't noticed guys don't get periods and you're a guy. You have thirty seconds to tell me the truth or I'm getting Mark and you won't stop me this time." I reached up to wipe the tears away that were sliding out. The only option I had was to come out and say it.

"Amy, I'm... Transgender," I admitted quietly. She stared at me in shock for a few seconds.

"Are you serious?" She asked. I looked off to the side and sighed.

"Do you want me to prove it to you? I have scars from my top surgery and I still have a pussy." I exclaimed, feeling frustrated and embarrassed.

"No, it's okay. Wow, so you're..." She trailed off. I nodded my head.

"Yes, now you promised you wouldn't tell anyone. Especially not Mark. I want to tell people in my own way when I'm ready." I said.

"Yeah, of course, your secret is safe with me." She told me.

"Thank you, Amy. Felix is the only person who knows outside of my family." I explained.

"Oh, here," she said, going to her closet. She got a pad from the shelf in her closet. "Is this all you need?" I nodded.

"Thank you," I whispered, my cheeks turning red.

"If you need anymore there on that shelf there or you can just ask me. And if you need anything else, you can ask me." I nodded, thanking her again. "I'm sory for how I just acted."

"It's alright, you didn't know." We heard someone coming up the stairs. There was a knock on the door and Mark poked his head in. He glanced at both of us.

"I wondered where you two took off to." Mark said with a smile. "We decided to order pizza for dinner." He told us. I forced myself to be the person Mark was used to and let out a cheer. We followed Mark back down and I hoped that he hadn't noticed I had been crying. I also hoped that Amy wasn't freaked out by me now and that she would keep her promise not to tell anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter was good. And I know a lot of people don't like Amy (which I don't get) so please don't start bashing her in the comments. Also, if you ever want to get in touch with me you can find me on tumblr (@tru-oddball) or twitter (@TheDeadMilitia). I'm not on Twitter all that much. I get on there to reply to messages and stalk people but I don't post very much.


End file.
